Locker Lust
by Park of the Southern Variety
Summary: It's just a typical school day for Stan Marsh. The only difference, however, makes one big problem. How will he weasel his way out of this one? Anti-Stendy.


Author's note:

This is my version of an anti-Stendy Fanfic. They're in high school, around freshman year. R&R!

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A parade of stomping feet raced up a steep staircase, kicking up the air as a figure darted behind a nearby drinking fountain. Stan ran his hands through his thick, raven-black locks, then wiped off a pool of sweat from his forehead. The male's eyes darted back and forth before he allowed himself to exhale silently. As if to solidify his momentary isolation, he mumbled, "I think I finally lost her..."

He closed his eyes momentarily and thought back to a few minutes ago. Stan had been scarfing down a typical meal when the air had grown cold. The scent of sweat mixed with the rancid odor of vanilla scented perfume filled the air. Gym class had ended, and _she _was coming straight for him. Ten seconds waltzed by before Stan was on his feet. Backpack in hand, he sprinted out of the noisy cafeteria and headed to his only safe haven: upstairs near the most active of classrooms.

The charade of so-called hide and seek had been going on for as long as he could remember. Preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, he had never been safe. She was a physical manifestation of everything he wasn't, or at least everything he fought to be against: superficial, stupid, and a suck-up. The worst part was that wherever he went, she seemed to have a compass that lead her in the right direction.

"Stan?" The illusion of solitude was broken by a syrupy sweet purr to his left.

Speak of the devil.

"Oh, hey Wendy..." he muttered in a defeated tone, slumping his shoulders forward a tad. He'd only managed to spit the words out before she grabbed him in a bone-crushing hug and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"I missed you!" Wendy cried the moment she pulled back, still gripping his shoulders like a cop handcuffing a criminal. "Did you miss me?"

Stan drew in a deep breath and forced a painful smile onto his lips. "Yeah, I did," he lied. Never would he admit to her that she was the single most despicable demon he had ever had the displeasure of interacting with. Lying was so much easier.

"I did too!" repeated the dim female. She dragged Stan towards the floor, apologizing snappishly as he slammed his head against the lockers behind them on the way down. "I tried to find you after gym ended, but you were gone! I was so sad!" She pouted momentarily before inquiring, "So, what have you been up to since we last saw each other?"

"You mean five minutes ago?" He couldn't help it; it just slipped out like venomous drool. However, his words drifted past her, unpercieved, failing to deter Wendy's aggravating series of giggles.

"Yes, silly! I did a lot of things! I borrowed Bebe's eyeliner to give myself a touch up, then-"

Whatever garble exited her lips, Stan ignored. He would never understand the oh so exciting events of a woman's day, and she obviously didn't care how he replied to her.

"-and she acted all shocked when I told her, and I was like-"

Time let its legs lag lethargically for what felt like hours as Wendy continued with story after pointless story of the five minutes the two had been apart. Why she had decided that Stan of all people was the one who wanted to hear these things, he would never know. In fact, now that he thought about it, what had drawn Wendy to him in the first place? Even his earliest memories had the spunky young brunette talking his ear off about who cared what. It always seemed like she had plenty of other friends, so why was he Wendy's favorite plaything? He groaned internally, trying to pull the thought from his mind like gum underneath a desk before it truly got irritating.

"-and then I saw you!" finished Wendy just as Stan pulled out of his thoughts and began checking his surroundings. A silver gleam caught his eye, and his gaze shifted to a seemingly ancient clock just above his head. Five minutes until class began. Damn it, clock!

"Fascinating," Stan told her after a moment's worth of silence, fighting every fiber of his being to exclude the sarcasm he so desperately desired. Try as he will, the angel on his shoulder always outweighed the devil on the other.

Wendy leaned forward a bit, flashing Stan a toothy grin. She stretched her arms high into the air, allowing her nearly nonexistent shirt to ride up to her waist. Parting her cherry-red lips, she let out a dreamy sigh before inhaling obnoxiously.

"We hang out alot at school, right?"

"Yeah." Against Stan's will, but yeah.

"And we see each other a lot, right?"

"Yeah," he repeated in a dull tone.

"And we share a lot of classes together, right?"

He constant stream of questions was driving Stan up a wall. "So?" he deadpanned.

"Well, I was wondering..." Wenddy brought up her perfectly manicured fingers and twirled a strand of hair as elegantly as a bull in a china shop. "I mean, we should totally start dating!"

And there it was, the d-word. Dating. He knew that one day it would come up, but the word still knocked the breath out of his lungs.

Stammering quickly, "Well, I, I mean, uh-"

"Is that a yes?!" shrieked Wendy in an ecstatic tone. It was a wonder that a teacher hadn't come out by now and skinned them alive for disrupting their class. "Oh, this'll be great! We can go to the mall and buy promise rings and then we can share milkshakes together, then we can go shopping together and-"

"No."

Wendy froze in the middle of her sentence and stared over at Stan. Her glowing green eyes met with a stern pair of muddy brown ones.

"Excuse me?" she hissed almost mutely, her voice sharpening its blades.

His brain froze. Desperation set in and something definitive was necessary. Regardless of the consequences, he had to put an end to this once and for all.

"I... Well... Wendy, let's just say I walk on the other side of the street."

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Author's Note:

I'm not sure if this'll be a oneshot or if I'll continue it, so comment if you want more!

P.S. The chapter has been updated to get rid of the Kenneth typo. Sorry 'bout that!


End file.
